I know this may be controversial, but I am a believer that God doesn’t necessarily plan out our lives or our callings. When I first had this idea presented to me, I was astonished that anybody could believe this. Hear me out. I think for somebody to be able to reconcile us having free will with God planning every detail of our lives is a bit hard to do. Sure, I do believe that he knows every possible option we could take and more importantly, knows which one we will actually take, without orchestrating it. However, I believe that God intentionally designs our hearts and personalities to serve in different ways, and we have the choice how and where we use those. He forms our hearts for a purpose and uses our pains and brokenness to help inspire that purpose.
I have always had a heart to serve youth and young adults. I have been a camp counselor since I was old enough my senior year of high school. I have served in children’s ministry, youth ministry, and young adults ministry. I love kids, but out of my experience in those ministries, my heart lies with teenagers and young adults.
I had rough teenage years. Constantly bullying, depression, searching for a purpose, and the list goes on. Adding substance abuse to that mix didn’t help. I used and abused substances from the age of 14 up until 22, a few weeks shy of 23, with intermittent periods of sobriety.
At this last weeks service I attended at Pure Heart Church, I was convicted deeply, as I typically am with Pastor Dan’s messages. We went over 2 Timothy 1:9. God not only saved us, but calls us into ministry. This does not necessarily mean full-time vocational ministry, although at times it does. I felt the call before. Lately, I have let my own feelings of inadequacy thwart me from getting back into ministry.
Pastor Dan said that we are saved for something. To find what that something is, you have to ask a simple question. What wrecks you? In other words, what is your holy discontent? What is the passion God has put on your heart. With my history both working with youth and young adults and my experience as an addict and with depression, what wrecks me is seeing people struggling and battling with things that I had to. It breaks my heart. I know how much they are hurting and how lost they feel.
That is what wrecks me. It doesn’t matter if I feel “good enough.” God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called! I must start practicing what I preach. I need to start taking steps to be the person God has designed me to be. Ultimately, as a career, I definitely want to work with youth and young adults struggling with addiction and depression, hence why I am pursuing a Master in Addiction Counseling. Until then, I need to find where God wants me now in the time of waiting. Waiting doesn’t mean doing nothing!