If you follow me on Social Media, you will constantly see me sharing pieces of my story, facts about mental health, experience with addiction, and more. Why do I do this? Why am I so vocal about addiction and mental health? It took time, counseling, and people speaking truth into my life to realize that God uses the broken. We are to boast in our weakness. I do just that. When I tried living my life for my glory and how I saw best, I burned everything to the ground and hurt those around me.
I say it because the Bible says it, there is power in our testimony. I know there is somebody out there on my feed who needs the hope that I freely give. I know there is somebody out there who is struggling with their mental health or addiction. They need some glimmer of hope. If it means sharing my embarrassing mistakes to give them that hope, I will do it.
I don’t expect to get anything out of it. If I can help even one person, then God has miraculously used a broken addict.
I struggled with depression for as long as I can recall. I started self-harming in 6th grade. I started abusing substances freshman year of high school. I indulged hedonist pleasures my freshman year of college. I was broken and lost. I tried to fill the emptiness and loneliness inside of me. My rock bottom wasn’t almost dying. My rock bottom wasn’t losing my closest friends. My rock bottom was realizing that I had lost myself.
In August of 2017, I tried to take my life. By the grace of God, I failed. In treatment, I learned a lot about myself. Throughout my life, I have struggled with co-occurring disorders. I have been diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder, Unspecified Anxiety Disorder, Body Dysmorphia, Unspecified Bulimia, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Bipolar II disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Substance Use Disorder.
These are a part of my story, but they are not my identity. I had to discover what that was. I found myself to be a precious and loved child of the one true King. When I let that sink in and I was obedient to who He called me to truly be, I was transformed. Now, I am far from perfect. I still struggle with mental health, and I probably always will. Here is the kicker, I am not my mental health.
God has blessed me in different ways. He has made me a mentor, a leader, a fiancé (soon to be husband), a role model, and if God willing, one day a father. With these roles comes responsibility, that responsibility is point people to God with the way I live my life both on the hills and deep in the valleys.
I am a mental health advocate because I know there are people out there struggling. I want to be a part of the movement that breaks that. I want to be the person that I wish I had while I was growing up.