Life Experience

Today, I Embraced My Inner Child

Today, I Embraced My Inner Child

There is a trend in psychology going around about understanding and healing your inner child. I have never understood it until today. I think a reason seasonal depression hits me, is it brings back feelings and memories that were uncomfortable or negative for younger me. I sat on social media and observed the “memories” that it had for me for today. That only exacerbated my mood. Lost friends, past failures, broken relationships, etc. Nothing changes if nothing changes, so I took action.

Today, I chose to listen to my inner child. I chose to serve my inner child. I chose to embrace my inner child.

My Personality Labels

My Personality Labels

Self-awareness is important when we are trying to improve in both our areas of strengths and areas of weaknesses. We have to make sure we are building our strengths, while also working and acknowledging our points of weakness. Through many years of getting counseling, taking spiritual formation classes, and taking time to get to know myself, I have come to the realization, that I am a unique person. There are very few out there like me, which is not a good or bad thing. It is just a thing. I appreciate and love myself for who God made me to be and is still making me into. I have taken so many personality exams through my schooling and written reports about my “style” to take some time to sit back and reflect on who I am. Now, I am not saying these labels defined who I am, but they help me see blind spots and help me realize areas where I shine. Here are a couple of those labels.

I Am Medication Free

I Am Medication Free

It took me 4 years to find a medication combination that worked for my depression/bipolar/adhd/anxiety. After being on the medication (sometimes inconsistently), I can say I am medication free. I know God can heal, but just because he can does not mean that He will. Ultimately, it is for his glory. I always viewed my healing story as one where I would have to take medication for the rest of my life. Every time I tried stopping my medication, I got really sick and my depression got really bad.

Redirecting Midnight Depression

Redirecting Midnight Depression

It is 12:10 in the morning. Why am I awake? I experience very vivid nightmares. Now, these nightmares are not like scary movies. Those things don’t keep me awake. What keeps me awake is the memories of people leaving and the memories of me losing everything I worked for. Tonight, my dream consisted of mentors and role models leaving my life. That is a nightmare for me. I wake up in tears and catch myself talking in my sleep.

5 Tips for Starting A New Ministry Assignment

A week ago from today, my wife and I loaded up a moving truck with the pastor and a laymen from Payette Church of the Nazarene and ventured on the road. For the past few months, my wife and I felt the call that it was time for me to get back into ministry. During my 3 years off of ministry, I stayed active in volunteering place, but did not take on a leadership position. I was in a place in my life where I needed healing and guidance from God. One day, I prayed a dangerous prayer “God, use me however, whenever, and wherever.” Little did I know that would take Sabrina and I from the city of Phoenix, Arizona to a small town in Payette, Idaho within 2 weeks from our final and in-person interview. Everything seemed to fall into place from where I would complete my practicum for my Master in Addiction Counseling to where we would be living temporarily. Sabrina and I were nervous, but excited for such a big and quick move. Our emotions were all over the place, but we grew closer together because of it. As we were driving up and nearing the church, I started counting my blessings and couldn't help but cry out of joy. God has blessed me way more than I deserve. I have the woman of my dreams and now the job God has placed in my heart. Three years ago, I was in such a broken and dark place. I had such low value for my life and had no idea how God could use somebody like me because of the things I had done and what had happened to me. I praise God for his redemption and healing. I praise God for turning my scars into a testimony. I worship Him for who He is. Thank you, Lord for this new chapter in my life. A chapter of change, a chapter of joy, a chapter of hope. After being a full-time Associate/Youth Pastor for a week, there are 5 major things that I have learned that I would like to share with you if you are starting a new ministry assignment

1. Excessively Use Their Name

      You will be learning a lot of names and seeing a lot of faces. The fact of the matter is that you just cannot remember them all. There will be some that stick out for various reasons, but for the most part, you have to be intentional about learning people’s names. Names are important to people because it is part of their identity. People feel special when you remember them by name. A trick of mine I use is to excessively use their name until I am comfortable and confident with the fact that I honestly know their name. After they introduce themselves, use their name in every other sentence that you speak with them. This helps your brain, not only remember their name, but remember facts about them as you having the conversation. When you get to a place where you can be alone, either write down or reflect that person’s name and what you have learned about them.

2. Set a Schedule

       I have always been one that is big on setting a schedule. Schedule when you will be at the office. Schedule when you will meet with somebody. Schedule your lunch break, your you time, your down time, your study time, etc. Be intentionally. This also helps set boundaries so people, office tasks, events, etc don’t monopolize your time. Your schedule should be well-balanced and managed.

3. Be Flexible

       I left the culture I grew up in to acclimate to a new culture that I am not too familiar with. I grew up in Phoenix with city life and having everything I need in a 10 minute drive. It would have been immature of me to come into this new ministry position trying to make it like it would be in Phoenix. I have asked a lot of questions about the culture of the church and of the youth ministry. I am flexible and learning. I am not trying to come in and make a replica of the community of Phoenix. Ministry has to be authentic to the culture and the people you are serving. Be flexible to change the way you approach ministry.

4. Be Yourself

       For years, I interviewed for positions and I never felt like I was my authentic self. I thought I had to present a person of perfection to become a pastor. Right off the bat in the interview process for this church, I was transparent about my history with mental health and addiction. It was a breath of relief to be able to be myself. Not only that, I can be quirky, nerdy, dorky, and geeky (my love of Power Rangers) and be accepted and embraced for who I am.

5. Enjoy

       God put this position on my heart as my calling and dream job. I worked hard to get here. I worked for a bible degree in college. I worked to heal so that I don’t bleed over people in ministry. I grew up and matured in my 3 year break from ministry. I love where I am at and I feel as though this is exactly where God has called me. Starting this new position, I feel like I’m playing catch up by learning about the church, the people, the scheduled meetings, scheduled events, and more, but at the same time I am building relationships with the congregants. I worked hard to be here and I will work hard as long as God has assigned me here, but that does not mean I don’t absolutely enjoy and love every second of it.